Lately I have been overcome with feelings of severe depression and have gotten to a point where I just don’t care about life anymore.

Where should I start? I am in my mid 40’s. I am divorced. I lost my job when the company I worked for filed bankruptcy. After being out of work for almost 1 full year, I finally did get a job. The money is terrible. I am making the same as I was back in 1997! Financially, I am short each month by about 0-0 on basic living expenses. My credit card balances keep going up cause yea, I am basically living on my credit cards.
The job I have sucks. I work in a call center and basically am cursed out, yelled at and screamed out all day.
I am totally alone. I have no girlfriend and have been single for 4 Years now. I haven’t even gone on a date in 2 1/2 years because I don’t have the money and cant afford it. As I mentioned, I am 0-0 per month short NOW–How can I add the expense of dating to that? My idea of a big night is picking up a couple of burgers at Jack in the Box on a Friday and watching a movie at home. (That will surely drive the ladies wild!) I don’t have the money to go out and meet someone, or even join an online dating service.

The things I used to enjoy doing I no longer have any interest in. I love Baseball, but have lost interest in that. I love to read and write–but cant focus on that. I have 2 small dogs that I love, but I don’t even bother playing with them anymore. I don’t even care about my appearance. We have a casual dress code at my job and I show up in torn jeans, old t-shirts and a 3 day beard.

I did spend 3 days in a ‘hospital’ for observation last year. I was determined to get help and get my life in order. But my insurance does not cover appointments to speak with a mental health professional and I don’t have the money to do that. I’ve checked for low costs clinics in my area but none can be found cause I work unusual hours at my job. I do take an anti-depressant (Xanax) and asked my DR if she could increase the dosage. She refused. I don’t have any brothers or sisters. I really don’t have any close friends anymore. The reason for that is my depression and negativity–and I don’t blame them. Who wants to around someone who is down and depressed and quiet all the time. My relationship with my parents is decent–at best.

Will I attempt suicide? No. I don’t have the nerve to do it and knowing my luck, I’d only fail at that, too, and wind up arrested. Or as a vegetable. I do take prescriptions meds for high BP and cholesterol but have begun to cut down/cut them out altogether. A couple months back I stopped taking my cholesterol pills. After about a week, I started getting dizzy and not feeling right. Stupidly, I got scared and resumed taking them. Call it a ‘reverse’ suicide if you will. I have once again stopped as I continue to push my health. I am smoking more. driving faster and more recklessly.

Suggestions? Oh–and please dont say something like ‘talk a walk’ or ‘pray.’ I am not religious at all

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